How to Apologize

My most popular corporate talk, "How to Screw Up," tells how to take your own mistakes--or those of your company--to actually improve your reputation. The same techniques work in your personal relationships. They involve a few steps:

• Be first with the news. Don't wait for others to report your screw-up.
• Have a plan to fix things. Acknowledge your error--even say you're sorry--while showing what actions you'll take to try and keep it from happening again.
• Name the personal values you violated--your passion for detail, your belief in timeliness, your loyalty or faithfulness. Then say how your temporary lapse makes you all the more committed to these values.

Do these things sincerely, and you'll find that people can actually respect you more. Not despite the screw-up but because of it. Trust me. I'm a master at screwing up.

Here's a video that tells how people have reacted to my advice. Guess who object more: men or women?

Do This in a College or Job Interview

In Thank You for Arguing, I show how the Ciceronian outline can help you make a winning speech or presentation. That same outline can work for a job or college interview. It's simple:

Start with a good first impression, boosting your ethos--the audience's impression of your character. Show you know the job and would be good at it, that you understand the company, and that you'd be a good fit. The same things work for a college, only they're also looking for virtue, signs that you're a good, mature person. Talk about the lessons you've learned. Be confident but humble.

Next, ask good questions and show a command of the facts. Make your case for why you're better than the competition. Tell a good story of a problem you solved.

Finally, don't be afraid to show a little emotion. Don't sing opera or burst out sobbing. Just a little passion. Say how excited you are about the possibility of working or studying at this wonderful place, and that you're sure you're the perfect fit. Let your eyes shine, lean forward a little and--lower your voice a bit. Strangely enough, speaking more quietly can show more passion, as if you're sharing a secret.

Watch this video to see how Christina does it.

Here's a secret that can help you land a job or get into a college: in rhetoric it's called the peroration.

Is "White Privilege" a Bad Thing?

A follower asked us this great question: 

I have had a recurring argument with various friends and family about the term "white privilege". My argument isn't about discrimination, I KNOW it exists and find it disgusting. My argument is that the term itself is not persuasive at all. It raises hackles and makes perfectly reasonable people angry. It suggests that somehow, just by being born white, we have done something wrong.

I know, I know, that is not the intention, at least by most of the people I have discussed it with. BUT that is how it "feels" and it does not bring friends to the table to an open discussion. When I have had these discussions it usually comes down to the other person saying "So what would YOU call it?" To be honest, I can't think of a thing besides discrimination. Can you pitch me a flotation device here?

Here's Jay's answer:

In rhetoric, you need to work off the beliefs and expectations of your audience. Accusing that audience of being evil just because of who they are won't win you many fans, clearly.

So what "flotation device" can substitute for white privilege? Try "white privilege." Embrace the term. Say you're all for white privilege, but think that everyone in America ought to have the same great privilege. Because this is, you know, America!

Maybe the problem isn't our privilege as white people. It's the fact that not everyone in America has our awesome advantages. So, yay for white privilege. Instead of feeling guilty about it, we should all do our best to make sure everyone gets it. The Great American Promise is that white privilege will someday truly become American privilege. -Jay Heinrichs

The Art of Framing

What does it mean to "frame" an issue? Is it like framing a picture of your sweet grandmother, the one where she's smoking her favorite pipe?

Yeah, kind of. To frame an issue means to put it in your own box, setting up the terms and context in a way that favors you. (To get the details about framing, see Thank You for Arguing, revised edition, page 123.)

The most important tool of framing is redefinition, in which you redefine the terms of the argument. The tobacco industry did this neatly back in the 1970s, when it talked about the "controversy" over the health hazards of smoking. Scientists and doctors saw no controversy at all. Smoking is terrible for you, period. But the word "controversy" framed the smoking issue by sowing doubt. And guess what framing word climate change deniers are using these days? Yep. "Controversy."

Here's a video that uses framing to answer a question from a high school student. Tell us what you think in the comments.

Check Out These Before-and-After Speeches

I've long admired Udemy for its marketing and smart business model, though I haven't used any of its online courses.

Before-and-after gif on Udemy.com

They got in touch with me after seeing the ArgueLab videos and sent me to its latest before-and-after videos of famous speakers. Even Barack Obama has improved over the years. 

You can check out the speech training site here.

How to Get Her Mom to Treat Her as an Adult

We're getting some questions from our fellow Argutistas, but could use some more. Got a persuasion problem. Let us solve it!

Meanwhile, a high school student emailed me after a Skype-in with an AP Language class, and asked how to get more respect for her mother. Christina and I answered in this video. Let us know what you think.